It's funny how everything you think you know about yourself and your life can change in 24 hours.
Last night, I was invited to a poker game for my friend's birthday. I went, of course, and I had a good time; I spent the night with a group of people I haven't really hung out with in over a year, maybe longer. I worked alongside them for the better part of a decade, some longer, some less. They continued their careers after I made the difficult decision to leave that path and take a new one. Schedules no longer synced, we didn't have as much in common to talk about anymore, and whatever other things came into play, we fell out of touch. This has happened before, and we've always picked up right where we left off, everyone knowing that sometimes life just gets in the way. I was hopeful and excited for this to happen once more, however, this time something had changed.
All night we laughed and joked, but there was an emptiness to it. I didn't feel the familiar tug at my heartstrings like I always have; one man that I love with all of my heart seemed surprised at the old familiar connections we share, as if he had forgotten how close we've always been and what got us there in the first place. I realized what was going on when I had my iPod on shuffle for the room and he said to me "you know, we listen to the same music." I looked at him for a beat or two, puzzled, then nodded silently, and I saw pain in his eyes. That was when my heart broke a little, realizing somehow we'd left each other behind. As I went home that night, the realization came over me that I had already let go of the past, and now it was time to move on.
I carried that profound melancholy all day today. Then, after work, I got a phone call from another friend whom I haven't seen in a while. He decided to surprise me and drive up to where I work to visit and see how I was doing; only problem was, he couldn't remember where that was exactly, because I'd changed jobs in the last year. By the time he called, he'd already driven to two different bars looking for me, and finally decided it was time to give up the charade and get directions. I couldn't believe how sweet (and kind of funny) that was. Once he knew where I was, he came to the bar with me and a couple of my new friends from work. We had a few beers, talked about life, laughed and had a good time. It was like he knew somehow that I really needed a friend today.
After he left, one of the girls and I were talking about how awesome it was that he did what he did today just to surprise me, and how it was a complete contrast to what happened with my other old friends last night. Near the end of the discussion, she said, "you've moved on from that phase in your life, and that's okay. Someday they may move on too, and then you'll reconnect when the time is right." It sounds silly, but her understanding and saying that to me, combined with his surprise visit, made everything okay again.
Once more, good people have renewed my faith in love and life without knowing I needed it.
What a difference a day can make.
Saturday, March 29, 2014
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Pouring rain
Mother nature amazes me.
When the skies open up out of nowhere and you can hear the rain assaulting the roof, seeming like it will break through any second ... then it's obvious, she is all powerful.
It's a heady thought.
My mind likes to wander when it rains. It's been wandering to this guy, muddling the thought of him around in my head for a while. I enjoy making him laugh. I have a bit of a love affair with getting to know people; I ask little questions, here and there, testing the waters to see if this is someone I might trust enough to let into my circle.
It's a very, very small circle.
In what I consider to be an era of my life that has been rampant with intentional solitude, it's nice to find someone who sparks the interest in me to dig.
Who knows. In another month I might be calling him an asshole. Stay tuned.
Sunday, September 1, 2013
Love
It's officially the first of September. I always feel a renewed sense of faith in life once this date arrives. This is my time - I live for late summer and fall.
Against all odds, today was a good day. Maybe it's just my underlying heady excitement, but I'm smiling nonetheless. I changed jobs recently, and working in a new city, with different people in a much faster paced environment has been quite stressful, but I finally feel like I've found my groove. The possibility of a new career track is exciting and keeps me driven. A lot of things went wrong there today; a lot of silly mistakes were made, the majority of people around me were cranky and negative - honestly it felt like the whole building had PMS. I did my best to try and lighten the mood whenever possible, and I think I found some new friends in the process. It's amazing what you're capable of when you're determined to make the best of things.
Today, I felt the pattern break. I laughed and talked, poked and prodded, fucked around with and sang to someone I barely know. These are things I haven't done in over a decade ... and knowing it put a smile on his face warmed my heart and soul.
Surprise, surprise.
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Just another day.
Yesterday was my birthday. As usual, it passed uncelebrated. One or more of my family always finds something better to do with their time that day; this year it was my brother, so I've just become accustomed to working and letting it pass. Somehow, it still hurts.
This year, I spent some time reflecting on why my life is the way that it is. I've said it before, and it still rings true; sometimes I feel like I'm paying for the sins of 100 lives. My paternal grandmother considered herself a bit otherworldly; psychic, witch, however you'd like to refer to it, she felt she could tap into things beyond the norm. I didn't see her much growing up, but when I was a child, she did a "reading" on me, and gave the details to my mother - all that has been relayed to me is that I lived many past lives on this earth, making me an old soul. Mom refuses to tell me the rest.
I wonder, sometimes, if she doesn't tell me because what was "read" was not at all pleasant. Otherwise, why bother hiding it?
Unpleasant past lives would make sense, considering how troubled my current one is. I know that all souls on earth have struggles, and face problems all their own that seem insurmountable. I do not mean to discount what anyone else goes through; all I know is that this life, for me, has been non-stop struggle and strife, bad luck and bad decisions. At the age of eighteen I had gone through more life crises than most fourty-year-olds, and the pattern just continues. To say I'm tired would be a gross understatement.
I'm giving up. I've had enough. My emotions are flat, my tears are dried up, and I've nothing left in my voice to scream. I'm tired of seeing injustice in this world, being an unwilling victim of circumstance, trying to stay positive, to see the silver lining just to get punched in the face, and never being able to get out ahead of it all to catch my breath.
I've struggled too much, been put through too much for this life to be a long one.
I've come to the conclusion that we do not need to fear going to Hell.
We're already living in it.
This year, I spent some time reflecting on why my life is the way that it is. I've said it before, and it still rings true; sometimes I feel like I'm paying for the sins of 100 lives. My paternal grandmother considered herself a bit otherworldly; psychic, witch, however you'd like to refer to it, she felt she could tap into things beyond the norm. I didn't see her much growing up, but when I was a child, she did a "reading" on me, and gave the details to my mother - all that has been relayed to me is that I lived many past lives on this earth, making me an old soul. Mom refuses to tell me the rest.
I wonder, sometimes, if she doesn't tell me because what was "read" was not at all pleasant. Otherwise, why bother hiding it?
Unpleasant past lives would make sense, considering how troubled my current one is. I know that all souls on earth have struggles, and face problems all their own that seem insurmountable. I do not mean to discount what anyone else goes through; all I know is that this life, for me, has been non-stop struggle and strife, bad luck and bad decisions. At the age of eighteen I had gone through more life crises than most fourty-year-olds, and the pattern just continues. To say I'm tired would be a gross understatement.
I'm giving up. I've had enough. My emotions are flat, my tears are dried up, and I've nothing left in my voice to scream. I'm tired of seeing injustice in this world, being an unwilling victim of circumstance, trying to stay positive, to see the silver lining just to get punched in the face, and never being able to get out ahead of it all to catch my breath.
I've struggled too much, been put through too much for this life to be a long one.
I've come to the conclusion that we do not need to fear going to Hell.
We're already living in it.
Monday, July 8, 2013
Unmedicated me
For the last five years or so, I've been on a mild antidepressant medication. I was put on it by my doctor after the breakup of my engagement, which in the end became extremely unhealthy and abusive, and resulted in my deep suicidal depression. I'm sure there's a blog or two about the specific events buried here somewhere.
About three weeks ago now, I was taken off said medication. Doc thinks I'm doing so well that I don't need it anymore. This should be good, right? I didn't even want to take it in the first place. Even so, I was a bit nervous as the bottle got emptier and emptier. What would happen?
My life and soul were such a mess five years ago, I didn't think I would survive it. Obviously now I am a different person than I was before. Ten years older, five years wiser, battle-scarred and a little jaded, but how much of my "healed" personality was/is dictated by this little pill?
Scary stuff, when you really think about it.
Some noteworthy observations:
The crazy intense dreams have become more manageable; fewer nightmares.
No more side-effect dry mouth
Insomnia is less frequent
My temper flares a little hotter
I laugh a little louder
I cry a little more often, and now when I get mad
My family gets on my nerves a lot quicker
My internal radio has come back, and switches stations more often
I'm a little less patient
Things that bother me stick with me a little bit longer
I'm more aware of my surroundings
I like what I see in the mirror far more often
I'm less self-critical
I don't think for quite as long before I speak
My memory is improving
My senses seem a bit heightened, although that could be the summer weather.
Coffee wakes me up again.
Nothing drastic, really - the hardest part is adjusting to the irritations that come with my family, and getting reacquainted with myself. I just find it fascinating how much even a little filter can alter your view on the world.
This is actually my first public discussion on the subject; very few people in my life know I've been taking antidepressants. Maybe being off them now has made me feel like more of a success story and less of a failure for not being able to handle my life on my own.
Whether or not this was a mistake will remain to be seen. Just chalk it up to another in the line from the queen of bad decisions. ;-)
About three weeks ago now, I was taken off said medication. Doc thinks I'm doing so well that I don't need it anymore. This should be good, right? I didn't even want to take it in the first place. Even so, I was a bit nervous as the bottle got emptier and emptier. What would happen?
My life and soul were such a mess five years ago, I didn't think I would survive it. Obviously now I am a different person than I was before. Ten years older, five years wiser, battle-scarred and a little jaded, but how much of my "healed" personality was/is dictated by this little pill?
Scary stuff, when you really think about it.
Some noteworthy observations:
The crazy intense dreams have become more manageable; fewer nightmares.
No more side-effect dry mouth
Insomnia is less frequent
My temper flares a little hotter
I laugh a little louder
I cry a little more often, and now when I get mad
My family gets on my nerves a lot quicker
My internal radio has come back, and switches stations more often
I'm a little less patient
Things that bother me stick with me a little bit longer
I'm more aware of my surroundings
I like what I see in the mirror far more often
I'm less self-critical
I don't think for quite as long before I speak
My memory is improving
My senses seem a bit heightened, although that could be the summer weather.
Coffee wakes me up again.
Nothing drastic, really - the hardest part is adjusting to the irritations that come with my family, and getting reacquainted with myself. I just find it fascinating how much even a little filter can alter your view on the world.
This is actually my first public discussion on the subject; very few people in my life know I've been taking antidepressants. Maybe being off them now has made me feel like more of a success story and less of a failure for not being able to handle my life on my own.
Whether or not this was a mistake will remain to be seen. Just chalk it up to another in the line from the queen of bad decisions. ;-)
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
I try to keep awake ...
Exhausted, without plausible cause.
I'm not sure what's missing; only that something definitely is. I seem to circle this bundle of emotional gunfire every once in a while.
Breathing, is the hardest thing to do ...
There are times in my life when words fail. It is these times that I wish I could just reply to everything with lyrics, shout them at passersby without provocation, scream them at the top of my lungs when no one is listening, and sit sullenly in a bar somewhere sipping a martini with the jukebox blaring.
No, I don't often drink beer at bars. If I'm in a bar paying for service, you can be damned sure I'm ordering a drink. I can crack a Corona Light and lime it with my eyes closed. If I walk into your view some night, fresh off the motorcycle, and you start making assumptions based on how I'm dressed or the way I'm walking, you're just the type I'd rather not speak to anyway.
Refer to the rock song of the moment for clarification, if you so choose. Sometimes I think the radio knows me better than any man ever will.
Suddenly angry and aggressive, without plausible cause.
Who am I kidding ... for that there's a very definite cause. One I've thus far been refusing to deal with on an emotional level.
With the lights out, this is dangerous ...
I walk like I mean it. If you know what's best, you'll likely get out of the way.
I'm not sure what's missing; only that something definitely is. I seem to circle this bundle of emotional gunfire every once in a while.
Breathing, is the hardest thing to do ...
There are times in my life when words fail. It is these times that I wish I could just reply to everything with lyrics, shout them at passersby without provocation, scream them at the top of my lungs when no one is listening, and sit sullenly in a bar somewhere sipping a martini with the jukebox blaring.
No, I don't often drink beer at bars. If I'm in a bar paying for service, you can be damned sure I'm ordering a drink. I can crack a Corona Light and lime it with my eyes closed. If I walk into your view some night, fresh off the motorcycle, and you start making assumptions based on how I'm dressed or the way I'm walking, you're just the type I'd rather not speak to anyway.
Refer to the rock song of the moment for clarification, if you so choose. Sometimes I think the radio knows me better than any man ever will.
Suddenly angry and aggressive, without plausible cause.
Who am I kidding ... for that there's a very definite cause. One I've thus far been refusing to deal with on an emotional level.
With the lights out, this is dangerous ...
I walk like I mean it. If you know what's best, you'll likely get out of the way.
Friday, March 15, 2013
I've been changin' but you'll never see me now ...
Ten years.
Ten years ago I met the man that almost killed me.
I'd like to think I'm a stronger person now. I'd like to believe I'd have the strength to turn him away if he showed up at my doorstep. It would be comforting to know I'm better off without him.
Certainty, however, has proven herself to be an unstable mistress.
Bathed in warm southern sun, I recently took stock of myself and of my life.
I am strong.
I am fearless.
I am the rock that so many cling to when life spirals out of control.
I choose to be wherever I am at any given moment. Every decision I make is mine.
I am an artist
a poet
and a songwriter for wild blue jays.
I love wind chimes, the ocean, the lakes and mountains, and the changing of seasons.
I am the best friend you could ever have.
I am loyal, dedicated, and will fight for what I believe in until the day I die.
I am proud to take a stand.
I command attention just by walking into a room.
(Someone once said to me "you walk like you mean it." I've never gotten a better compliment.)
I am nothing without music.
I love how men smell.
I love thunderstorms.
I can't forget the smell of summer trees after midnight.
Music is life.
I am a gardener. I believe in heirlooms.
I love my country and all that defend it.
I cry whenever I see soldiers marching in a parade.
I miss my grandparents, and envy others who had so much more time with theirs.
My favorite flower is the Shasta daisy.
My soul is too wild to be tamed.
I am passionate
I am driven
I get myself into trouble more often than not.
I live for Halloween and baseball.
I don't think imitation is the purest form of flattery; I think it's bullshit.
I hate small talk.
I like words that count.
I care too much, love too much, and keep people in my life for too long.
I am a fighter.
I am a survivor.
Sometimes I take everything too seriously.
I believe in second chances.
I believe in miracles.
I believe that anything is possible.
Florida restores me. It centers me, and gives me the space and perspective I need to sort through everything and figure out what's next.
Yesterday was the first day I've felt true to myself in a very, very long time.
The lion is back.
Ten years ago I met the man that almost killed me.
I'd like to think I'm a stronger person now. I'd like to believe I'd have the strength to turn him away if he showed up at my doorstep. It would be comforting to know I'm better off without him.
Certainty, however, has proven herself to be an unstable mistress.
Bathed in warm southern sun, I recently took stock of myself and of my life.
I am strong.
I am fearless.
I am the rock that so many cling to when life spirals out of control.
I choose to be wherever I am at any given moment. Every decision I make is mine.
I am an artist
a poet
and a songwriter for wild blue jays.
I love wind chimes, the ocean, the lakes and mountains, and the changing of seasons.
I am the best friend you could ever have.
I am loyal, dedicated, and will fight for what I believe in until the day I die.
I am proud to take a stand.
I command attention just by walking into a room.
(Someone once said to me "you walk like you mean it." I've never gotten a better compliment.)
I am nothing without music.
I love how men smell.
I love thunderstorms.
I can't forget the smell of summer trees after midnight.
Music is life.
I am a gardener. I believe in heirlooms.
I love my country and all that defend it.
I cry whenever I see soldiers marching in a parade.
I miss my grandparents, and envy others who had so much more time with theirs.
My favorite flower is the Shasta daisy.
My soul is too wild to be tamed.
I am passionate
I am driven
I get myself into trouble more often than not.
I live for Halloween and baseball.
I don't think imitation is the purest form of flattery; I think it's bullshit.
I hate small talk.
I like words that count.
I care too much, love too much, and keep people in my life for too long.
I am a fighter.
I am a survivor.
Sometimes I take everything too seriously.
I believe in second chances.
I believe in miracles.
I believe that anything is possible.
Florida restores me. It centers me, and gives me the space and perspective I need to sort through everything and figure out what's next.
Yesterday was the first day I've felt true to myself in a very, very long time.
The lion is back.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Sunday
Today, you touched me.
A simple slip of your hand, caressing my skin, and then as if by memory finding mine.
I've never experienced something so natural with a stranger.
It was as if we'd been lovers for a lifetime - so familiar, so normal.
Your smile was captivating, real, raw. As I watched you walk away up the stairs, I knew something had just happened; it was there, bright and plain in your beautiful, smiling eyes.
In that instant, we both forgot the pain that was so separate and isolating, and allowed ourselves to relax again. Your rhythm matched mine, our heartbeats were one, and for a moment I remembered why life is worth living. I stopped thinking, stopped reacting ... just felt.
I have never felt so at peace, so understood by another human being.
You and I must have been very close, in another life.
Life flies by at alarming speeds, but today, for one moment, time stood still.
Less than five seconds changed my life.
A simple slip of your hand, caressing my skin, and then as if by memory finding mine.
I've never experienced something so natural with a stranger.
It was as if we'd been lovers for a lifetime - so familiar, so normal.
Your smile was captivating, real, raw. As I watched you walk away up the stairs, I knew something had just happened; it was there, bright and plain in your beautiful, smiling eyes.
In that instant, we both forgot the pain that was so separate and isolating, and allowed ourselves to relax again. Your rhythm matched mine, our heartbeats were one, and for a moment I remembered why life is worth living. I stopped thinking, stopped reacting ... just felt.
I have never felt so at peace, so understood by another human being.
You and I must have been very close, in another life.
Life flies by at alarming speeds, but today, for one moment, time stood still.
Less than five seconds changed my life.
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Bleed
the little black pieces of my heart are bleeding.
the pain is almost too much to bear.
his words
my pulse
synchronicity.
terrified of hope
we both run, escape into the sun
pretending, while life goes on
when in the dark
the truth comes by candlelight...
something's amiss
without the other...
and then the little black pieces of my heart keep beating.
the little grey ghosts of his soul start weeping
and the pain
is almost too much to bear.
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
My Rain
With the rain
comes my submission
Each languid drop
softens my will.
Trails of liquid fire fall,
blazing paths down heated skin
Trace them with your hands
your lips
your deepest, darkest thoughts.
Linger
on soaking, lonely, heavy lashes
wet hair tucked behind my ear
bare neck pulsing to the beat of the storm
Lose the trail beneath the buttons
Lose the trail beneath the buttons
of my soaked sundress.
As my body softens with each drop
Mold hips to hips,
skin to skin...
Alone here in this moment
I am yours.
Become my rain.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
It all started with heartbreak...
"He took very good care of me, made me feel like I was his world and the only thing that mattered. I started to believe it; that's when I knew it had to end."
Unfortunately I'm quoting myself. Sometimes it takes an honest conversation with a non-judgmental friend to really figure things out. There's a lot to this story, but for now I'll start at the beginning.
The last few months of my life have been tumultuous at best - nothing inspires reflection quite like having your world turned upside down. I've had a lot of time to think, and to wonder just what the hell I'm doing here, in this life, WITH this life, and why I've done what I've done. I've come full circle, back to where I was before the destructive cycle of depression and abuse began. It's been four years, almost to the day ... I need to know what's left.
Some things, I find, are the same. I care for people too deeply. I've spent my life building walls of defenses around what's left of my badly damaged heart. I don't let people into my life - it's just not what I do. I give everyone a little bit of time and space, but there are barriers. Contrary to the image everyone sees, I am an intensely private person. It's rare I meet someone that reaches me on a level that builds real trust. Even then, I warn them ... don't get too close, because I'm a glorious disaster and when I decide to let you in, it's permanent. I give everyone I truly care about a little piece of my heart, and I never recover it. I've met a lot of people who don't like that part of me. It seems to me that no one out there really understands. It's not a choice, it's how my emotions are wired; if I love you, I would die for you, period. It is possible to hold more than one person up at that level in your life. It's also extremely heart-wrenching. Many people tell me my emotional capacity is a blessing ... I can't help feeling like it's a curse.
I suppose it was inevitable in this self assessment to also find some things changed. I'm not as confident in my judgment as I used to be. I suppose that stems from my lack of ability to see Sean for what he truly was ... he fooled me for a long, long time. Even to this day I'm still not sure what happened or when everything fell apart. All I know is I missed my cue to exit, and I still bear the scars.
I've made some serious mistakes so far this year. I've bonded with people who didn't feel the same, I've started friendships that ended in disaster and heartbreak ... I continued down a path that I knew I couldn't follow for long, and probably fucked up some lives in the process.
I was in a relationship that never should have started. I allowed myself to believe words I knew were spun from false threads ... more than once. I allowed myself to live in a fantasy world, to believe for just a moment that yes, it was possible. Yes, he really did mean it when he said I meant the world to him. Maybe, just maybe, I found something real and "always" wasn't a lie this time. I knew it would hurt, that it wouldn't end well, and here I sit, reminiscing. I wonder how many others there are now, hearing the same words spun just as beautifully. I wonder if they are enjoying it as much as I did. Even with the pain, I will always remember it fondly.
Maybe questioning my judgment isn't entirely a bad thing. Sometimes I trust the wrong people. Sometimes I put my faith in the wrong things. Sometimes I make decisions with my heart instead of my head, and vice versa. I really am quite a mess, but I am a beautiful one, and I refuse to lose faith that somewhere, someday, every piece of my life will fit together (or fall together in one glorious clusterfuck of a pile) and finally make sense.
To be continued...
Unfortunately I'm quoting myself. Sometimes it takes an honest conversation with a non-judgmental friend to really figure things out. There's a lot to this story, but for now I'll start at the beginning.
The last few months of my life have been tumultuous at best - nothing inspires reflection quite like having your world turned upside down. I've had a lot of time to think, and to wonder just what the hell I'm doing here, in this life, WITH this life, and why I've done what I've done. I've come full circle, back to where I was before the destructive cycle of depression and abuse began. It's been four years, almost to the day ... I need to know what's left.
Some things, I find, are the same. I care for people too deeply. I've spent my life building walls of defenses around what's left of my badly damaged heart. I don't let people into my life - it's just not what I do. I give everyone a little bit of time and space, but there are barriers. Contrary to the image everyone sees, I am an intensely private person. It's rare I meet someone that reaches me on a level that builds real trust. Even then, I warn them ... don't get too close, because I'm a glorious disaster and when I decide to let you in, it's permanent. I give everyone I truly care about a little piece of my heart, and I never recover it. I've met a lot of people who don't like that part of me. It seems to me that no one out there really understands. It's not a choice, it's how my emotions are wired; if I love you, I would die for you, period. It is possible to hold more than one person up at that level in your life. It's also extremely heart-wrenching. Many people tell me my emotional capacity is a blessing ... I can't help feeling like it's a curse.
I suppose it was inevitable in this self assessment to also find some things changed. I'm not as confident in my judgment as I used to be. I suppose that stems from my lack of ability to see Sean for what he truly was ... he fooled me for a long, long time. Even to this day I'm still not sure what happened or when everything fell apart. All I know is I missed my cue to exit, and I still bear the scars.
I've made some serious mistakes so far this year. I've bonded with people who didn't feel the same, I've started friendships that ended in disaster and heartbreak ... I continued down a path that I knew I couldn't follow for long, and probably fucked up some lives in the process.
I was in a relationship that never should have started. I allowed myself to believe words I knew were spun from false threads ... more than once. I allowed myself to live in a fantasy world, to believe for just a moment that yes, it was possible. Yes, he really did mean it when he said I meant the world to him. Maybe, just maybe, I found something real and "always" wasn't a lie this time. I knew it would hurt, that it wouldn't end well, and here I sit, reminiscing. I wonder how many others there are now, hearing the same words spun just as beautifully. I wonder if they are enjoying it as much as I did. Even with the pain, I will always remember it fondly.
Maybe questioning my judgment isn't entirely a bad thing. Sometimes I trust the wrong people. Sometimes I put my faith in the wrong things. Sometimes I make decisions with my heart instead of my head, and vice versa. I really am quite a mess, but I am a beautiful one, and I refuse to lose faith that somewhere, someday, every piece of my life will fit together (or fall together in one glorious clusterfuck of a pile) and finally make sense.
To be continued...
Monday, June 4, 2012
Deserted
hurt, raw
I am here, laid bare.
tired of fighting
tired of losing
I am finally giving in.
I've nothing left, save the dry,
distant
dusty roses
gone far beyond sun-pale.
Funny thing,
I've never been a fan of roses.
I am here, laid bare.
tired of fighting
tired of losing
I am finally giving in.
I've nothing left, save the dry,
distant
dusty roses
gone far beyond sun-pale.
Funny thing,
I've never been a fan of roses.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
sometimes I wonder...
is it worth it?
Then, there you are again.
Not quite faded from existence...
just close enough to catch my eye
smiling at me from across the sand.
And then, here I am again.
not quite ready for resistance,
but not quite ready yet to fly...
secretly wishing you'd hold my hand.
The warmth, the comfort,
to know you're really there...
might help me forget why I'm alone.
That, my love, would be worth everything.
is it worth it?
Then, there you are again.
Not quite faded from existence...
just close enough to catch my eye
smiling at me from across the sand.
And then, here I am again.
not quite ready for resistance,
but not quite ready yet to fly...
secretly wishing you'd hold my hand.
The warmth, the comfort,
to know you're really there...
might help me forget why I'm alone.
That, my love, would be worth everything.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Noir
Crimson pools swirl 'round and 'round
danger calls from deep within
struggling with a strangled sound,
threatening to pull me in.
Blood red shadows dive inside
dancing with the devil's tongue
Beware! there hides a strong riptide
upon which captured souls are strung...
I feel their heated, whispered breath
caress my wicked, lonely skin
Forgive me, this may be my death
I'm sinking, slowly, lost in sin.
danger calls from deep within
struggling with a strangled sound,
threatening to pull me in.
Blood red shadows dive inside
dancing with the devil's tongue
Beware! there hides a strong riptide
upon which captured souls are strung...
I feel their heated, whispered breath
caress my wicked, lonely skin
Forgive me, this may be my death
I'm sinking, slowly, lost in sin.
Friday, January 6, 2012
Jupiter
a quiet moment without thought brought me there
to a world bathed in blue;
a smiling sun reflected from another world.
a wind chime sounded faintly in the distance;
my heart smiled
and I laughed, because nothing else matters.
to a world bathed in blue;
a smiling sun reflected from another world.
a wind chime sounded faintly in the distance;
my heart smiled
and I laughed, because nothing else matters.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Goodbye 2011
This year began, for me, in Florida, at Walt Disney's EPCOT. I was sitting by the lagoon with my best friend in a sea of people excited to ring in a new year, a fresh start. We were nibbling on a new kind of Mentos that I was given by a vendor, which weren't very good, and waiting for the light show to begin.
Let me say this, quickly: you have not seen fireworks until you've seen fireworks done by Walt Disney World. The best, by far, are in EPCOT in the lagoon in the center of the World Showcase. Every night at 9pm, magic truly does happen. If you have not seen it, I suggest you make the journey. It is moving, and the New Year's Eve show did not disappoint. So far, it's the best New Year's celebration I have been a part of. I felt a new energy, a new hope, come to the surface as the clock counted down from ten to one. Finally, a new beginning.
Hope is a beautiful thing, and from that moment on, I knew 2011 would be a year to remember.
The winter was harder than usual, with record breaking snowfall. Toward the end of January, On a Sunday afternoon, I was playing on my laptop in my mother's dining room, and I decided to look into buying a house. I don't know what drove me to that decision, but in my typical fashion, I made a quick decision with little thought about it, and never looked back. I sent an email to a mortgage broker, and after looking at five or six properties, I put in an offer. Six weeks from the start of my search, I signed mortgage paperwork. From now on I will no longer beware the ides of March. :-)
Sitting alone in the house, in the dark, shortly after I signed all the paperwork, I felt peace deep down in my soul for the first time in my memory. That may sound odd, but I've always been a restless soul, always ready to jump and move onto the next adventure, the next chapter. Here, I feel settled, like nothing is chasing me, biting at my heels. It's a lovely feeling, to know you can stop running.
It wasn't long before I was moving my stuff in, replacing doors, planting grass and making my mark on my little corner of the world. The picture below is taken of the first thing I hung in my kitchen. I was quite proud, that day.
In April, I saw Third Eye Blind in Hampton. This was the first of many concerts I would attend this year. I hung around for a while after the show and met the guys out behind the venue. Got pictures with them all, they signed my ticket, and I left relatively satisfied with the whole experience.
Spring, and the month of May came and went. I visited Florida for a time, around Memorial Day. This is the first year in a long time that I haven't cultivated a garden - instead, I spent a lot of time and money on home improvements. I planted two apple trees, a peach tree and an apricot tree. As the summer went on, I found a lot of existing flowering trees and plants in the yard ... it really was a thing of beauty in full bloom.
Summer was very busy for me, as it always is, between work, family and now the house. I watched some fireworks on the fourth of July, thought about my grandfather, as I always do, and wondered if he'd be proud of me now. For the first time, I think he would.
I started developing some out of the ordinary friendships this summer. One with a woman named Annie who has come to be a very dear friend to me. We met through Assembly. She and I have had some interesting conversations, and I'm sure there are more to come in the future.
Another one, in particular, with a rather mysterious man has come to mean a lot to me, despite my early reservations. We've talked about a lot of things, some things I'm afraid to open up to people in my real life about. We have common musical tastes, and apparently want the same foods at the same time, or so he tells me. ;-) Regardless, we've been there for each other almost by accident a lot this year, and my life would be less without him in it.
I turned 30 in August. I dreaded it for a long, long time. I thought I hadn't accomplished enough in my life, hadn't achieved what I should have achieved ... then the day came, I spent it at the lake with my best friend and her family, and I realized, my life is just as it should be and I have nothing to worry about. I have no obligation to anyone but myself, and that, my friends, is a beautiful thing.
This picture is of the full moon rising over Crystal Lake on my birthday. It was my favorite gift, this year.
September came in like a hurricane. I was still going through the process of unpacking, redoing rooms, painting, and being a part of life in general. I saw Incubus and Young The Giant on the 9th, and the The Foo Fighters and Rise Against on the 25th. Then, one night, in hot, balmy weather, I was sitting on my porch with a few candles lit, and just started writing. A few hours later, I had pages and pages of material ... lo and behold, I started writing a novel. That night, I slept better than I had in years - it was as if the story was inside me all along, fighting to get out. I've never had an experience like that, but the story continues and it's almost as if it's writing itself. It's quite an amazing thing.
October, as I often say, is my favorite month. Fall is when I am in my element, and Halloween is my Christmas. I reveled in the autumn weather this year, and threw the best party I've had yet. I was approached last week by people telling me they can't wait for next year's party. That, to me, feels like success :-)
November is when the mad dash, for me, really started.
On the 14th I went to Cambridge to see Dessa perform in a nightclub. I was sitting on the side of the stage, there were maybe 150 people there. What an incredible experience.
On the 18th I flew to Florida again for a much needed break. Did an early Thanksgiving with the family, and went to the beach for the weekend. I think I realized, sitting on the beach in the dark, listening to the waves, that Florida needs to be my second home. I love the ocean - it calls to me on a deep, deep level. I could have slept all night, laying on the sand, staring at the stars. I even signaled some UFOs with my lighter for a while.
The next morning, James took this picture at sunrise. One of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. Owen, like me, loves the ocean.
Flew back and the Holiday rush commenced. I generally can't stand Christmas. I've lost a lot of my holiday spirit over the years; people, in general are always so miserable and it just drains all of my energy every day. Somehow, this year, though, things were determined to be different.
I went to New York City on December 6th to visit with a dear friend and to see 30 Seconds To Mars perform a record breaking show at the Hammerstein Ballroom on the 7th. They called it MARS 300, and received a Guinness World Record for performing the most shows in promotion of a single album. Got there early and met Karen, the epic Shannon fan of twitter fame. She's as cool in person as she is online. We got super close to the stage and it was an excellent show. Life changing for many people, from what I could see. She and I met up again the next day, we had Guinness and a late lunch at an Irish pub near Penn Station. We were both a little less shy this day, it seemed, and the conversation was a lot more real; it felt like the beginning of a lovely friendship.
Kevin Cadogan had long since announced that he and Arion Salazar had reunited at the DMV, of all places, and had been jamming. Around this time, they announced on The Chorus that they would be taping a concert for a television show on Dec. 19th. Call me crazy, call me impulsive - I decided I had to go. Two of my heroes, long lost to the music they created together, were having a reunion - how could I NOT go? I talked to my brother about it, and we made it happen. For that, I will be forever grateful.
The show was threatened by a C&D letter, and some were worried it wouldn't happen for a while, but Kevin & his lawyers came through. Kevin noticed I was flying quite a ways and gave me a couple of VIP tickets the day before my flight left ... I was super excited about the show already, as you know if you follow my facebook or twitter accounts. I'm pretty sure I didn't shut up about the show for a solid three weeks. Then to be a "VIP" - well, that was just the bees knees. :-)
I flew to California for the first time in my life on the 18th. Had an awful experience getting the rental car and settled into the "hotel," but once I got some sleep, the next day held a lot of promise. I woke up bright eyed at seven a.m. (still being on East Coast time) and decided to make use of the beautiful sunshine. I got into my rental car, turned on the GPS, and headed west toward the coast. Once again, the ocean was calling me. I ended up driving along highway 92 toward Half Moon Bay state park. The drive was so beautiful through the mountains and the beach was stunning. I can now say I've been in the ocean on both coasts.
After spending a few hours there, I drove down route 1 for a while and beheld the beauty that is California's coastline. I eventually headed back toward San Jose and drove through a redwood forest. My God, those trees are enormous ... so much more incredible in person. And the views from the road up high on the cliffs ... they made Mt. Washington look like an anthill. Just gorgeous.
Making my way back to the hotel for a nap, I had Garbage blasting on the radio. I felt like I was back in the 90s again. I miss that decade. "I'm only happy when it rains .... "
Ate some dinner, charged my phone, and after a quick nap made my way to the Bellarmine College campus. Met up with an old Assembly acquaintance there, and gave him my other VIP pass. It was nice to share the wealth with someone I knew would appreciate it. I'd never met Jon in person before, but we'd talked quite a bit and he was an awesome person to spend the concert with.
Before the doors opened, there were at least 150 people lined up outside. The producer came out and started lining us up by category ... he said "anyone with VIP tickets, meaning friends of the band, line up here ... " yeah I felt pretty fucking badass being called to that line, and Jon was beside himself. We were called into the theater first, and since I flew all the way from NH, I got asked to sit up on stage first. Jon came with me, and we sat right next to where Arion would be playing. We weren't more than 6 feet from him the whole show. Hearing the music played by them ... I can't describe it. It was the way it was supposed to sound. The magic was back. The best part was seeing them both so blatantly happy - joy was written all over their faces, and was definitely the theme of the night. Arion kept looking over at me and smiling, and John Stephens had great energy. What a night.
Jon, myself and a few others hung out after the show and met the producer and a lot of the staff, and the guys came out and chilled with us for a bit. They signed Jon & I's setlists, and made a few jokes ... all in all I had a once in a lifetime experience that I will never forget.
Needless to say, I got no sleep that night. My heart was pounding with adrenaline and sheer joy - and I had a six am flight the next day. Coming back to NH, I was sad that it was all over, but Kevin kept putting things up about me on his Facebook & Twitter and Arion talked about me on his Chorus post about the show ... it was like someone upstairs wanted me to know that yes, it really did happen, and I should be happy for the holidays this year. The whole thing was a Christmas miracle, I'm convinced.
Now I'm sitting here, on New Years Eve, watching Pearl Jam 20, making a wish at 11:11, and hoping that 2012 will shatter the records this year made.
Blessings to all of you, and Happy New Year. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for being a part of my 2011, and I hope you continue to stick around til the end of the world. ;-)
Cheers!! Now, where's the bubbly ...
Let me say this, quickly: you have not seen fireworks until you've seen fireworks done by Walt Disney World. The best, by far, are in EPCOT in the lagoon in the center of the World Showcase. Every night at 9pm, magic truly does happen. If you have not seen it, I suggest you make the journey. It is moving, and the New Year's Eve show did not disappoint. So far, it's the best New Year's celebration I have been a part of. I felt a new energy, a new hope, come to the surface as the clock counted down from ten to one. Finally, a new beginning.
Hope is a beautiful thing, and from that moment on, I knew 2011 would be a year to remember.
The winter was harder than usual, with record breaking snowfall. Toward the end of January, On a Sunday afternoon, I was playing on my laptop in my mother's dining room, and I decided to look into buying a house. I don't know what drove me to that decision, but in my typical fashion, I made a quick decision with little thought about it, and never looked back. I sent an email to a mortgage broker, and after looking at five or six properties, I put in an offer. Six weeks from the start of my search, I signed mortgage paperwork. From now on I will no longer beware the ides of March. :-)
Sitting alone in the house, in the dark, shortly after I signed all the paperwork, I felt peace deep down in my soul for the first time in my memory. That may sound odd, but I've always been a restless soul, always ready to jump and move onto the next adventure, the next chapter. Here, I feel settled, like nothing is chasing me, biting at my heels. It's a lovely feeling, to know you can stop running.
It wasn't long before I was moving my stuff in, replacing doors, planting grass and making my mark on my little corner of the world. The picture below is taken of the first thing I hung in my kitchen. I was quite proud, that day.
In April, I saw Third Eye Blind in Hampton. This was the first of many concerts I would attend this year. I hung around for a while after the show and met the guys out behind the venue. Got pictures with them all, they signed my ticket, and I left relatively satisfied with the whole experience.
Spring, and the month of May came and went. I visited Florida for a time, around Memorial Day. This is the first year in a long time that I haven't cultivated a garden - instead, I spent a lot of time and money on home improvements. I planted two apple trees, a peach tree and an apricot tree. As the summer went on, I found a lot of existing flowering trees and plants in the yard ... it really was a thing of beauty in full bloom.
Summer was very busy for me, as it always is, between work, family and now the house. I watched some fireworks on the fourth of July, thought about my grandfather, as I always do, and wondered if he'd be proud of me now. For the first time, I think he would.
I started developing some out of the ordinary friendships this summer. One with a woman named Annie who has come to be a very dear friend to me. We met through Assembly. She and I have had some interesting conversations, and I'm sure there are more to come in the future.
Another one, in particular, with a rather mysterious man has come to mean a lot to me, despite my early reservations. We've talked about a lot of things, some things I'm afraid to open up to people in my real life about. We have common musical tastes, and apparently want the same foods at the same time, or so he tells me. ;-) Regardless, we've been there for each other almost by accident a lot this year, and my life would be less without him in it.
I turned 30 in August. I dreaded it for a long, long time. I thought I hadn't accomplished enough in my life, hadn't achieved what I should have achieved ... then the day came, I spent it at the lake with my best friend and her family, and I realized, my life is just as it should be and I have nothing to worry about. I have no obligation to anyone but myself, and that, my friends, is a beautiful thing.
This picture is of the full moon rising over Crystal Lake on my birthday. It was my favorite gift, this year.
September came in like a hurricane. I was still going through the process of unpacking, redoing rooms, painting, and being a part of life in general. I saw Incubus and Young The Giant on the 9th, and the The Foo Fighters and Rise Against on the 25th. Then, one night, in hot, balmy weather, I was sitting on my porch with a few candles lit, and just started writing. A few hours later, I had pages and pages of material ... lo and behold, I started writing a novel. That night, I slept better than I had in years - it was as if the story was inside me all along, fighting to get out. I've never had an experience like that, but the story continues and it's almost as if it's writing itself. It's quite an amazing thing.
October, as I often say, is my favorite month. Fall is when I am in my element, and Halloween is my Christmas. I reveled in the autumn weather this year, and threw the best party I've had yet. I was approached last week by people telling me they can't wait for next year's party. That, to me, feels like success :-)
November is when the mad dash, for me, really started.
On the 14th I went to Cambridge to see Dessa perform in a nightclub. I was sitting on the side of the stage, there were maybe 150 people there. What an incredible experience.
On the 18th I flew to Florida again for a much needed break. Did an early Thanksgiving with the family, and went to the beach for the weekend. I think I realized, sitting on the beach in the dark, listening to the waves, that Florida needs to be my second home. I love the ocean - it calls to me on a deep, deep level. I could have slept all night, laying on the sand, staring at the stars. I even signaled some UFOs with my lighter for a while.
The next morning, James took this picture at sunrise. One of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. Owen, like me, loves the ocean.
Flew back and the Holiday rush commenced. I generally can't stand Christmas. I've lost a lot of my holiday spirit over the years; people, in general are always so miserable and it just drains all of my energy every day. Somehow, this year, though, things were determined to be different.
I went to New York City on December 6th to visit with a dear friend and to see 30 Seconds To Mars perform a record breaking show at the Hammerstein Ballroom on the 7th. They called it MARS 300, and received a Guinness World Record for performing the most shows in promotion of a single album. Got there early and met Karen, the epic Shannon fan of twitter fame. She's as cool in person as she is online. We got super close to the stage and it was an excellent show. Life changing for many people, from what I could see. She and I met up again the next day, we had Guinness and a late lunch at an Irish pub near Penn Station. We were both a little less shy this day, it seemed, and the conversation was a lot more real; it felt like the beginning of a lovely friendship.
Kevin Cadogan had long since announced that he and Arion Salazar had reunited at the DMV, of all places, and had been jamming. Around this time, they announced on The Chorus that they would be taping a concert for a television show on Dec. 19th. Call me crazy, call me impulsive - I decided I had to go. Two of my heroes, long lost to the music they created together, were having a reunion - how could I NOT go? I talked to my brother about it, and we made it happen. For that, I will be forever grateful.
The show was threatened by a C&D letter, and some were worried it wouldn't happen for a while, but Kevin & his lawyers came through. Kevin noticed I was flying quite a ways and gave me a couple of VIP tickets the day before my flight left ... I was super excited about the show already, as you know if you follow my facebook or twitter accounts. I'm pretty sure I didn't shut up about the show for a solid three weeks. Then to be a "VIP" - well, that was just the bees knees. :-)
I flew to California for the first time in my life on the 18th. Had an awful experience getting the rental car and settled into the "hotel," but once I got some sleep, the next day held a lot of promise. I woke up bright eyed at seven a.m. (still being on East Coast time) and decided to make use of the beautiful sunshine. I got into my rental car, turned on the GPS, and headed west toward the coast. Once again, the ocean was calling me. I ended up driving along highway 92 toward Half Moon Bay state park. The drive was so beautiful through the mountains and the beach was stunning. I can now say I've been in the ocean on both coasts.
After spending a few hours there, I drove down route 1 for a while and beheld the beauty that is California's coastline. I eventually headed back toward San Jose and drove through a redwood forest. My God, those trees are enormous ... so much more incredible in person. And the views from the road up high on the cliffs ... they made Mt. Washington look like an anthill. Just gorgeous.
Making my way back to the hotel for a nap, I had Garbage blasting on the radio. I felt like I was back in the 90s again. I miss that decade. "I'm only happy when it rains .... "
Ate some dinner, charged my phone, and after a quick nap made my way to the Bellarmine College campus. Met up with an old Assembly acquaintance there, and gave him my other VIP pass. It was nice to share the wealth with someone I knew would appreciate it. I'd never met Jon in person before, but we'd talked quite a bit and he was an awesome person to spend the concert with.
Before the doors opened, there were at least 150 people lined up outside. The producer came out and started lining us up by category ... he said "anyone with VIP tickets, meaning friends of the band, line up here ... " yeah I felt pretty fucking badass being called to that line, and Jon was beside himself. We were called into the theater first, and since I flew all the way from NH, I got asked to sit up on stage first. Jon came with me, and we sat right next to where Arion would be playing. We weren't more than 6 feet from him the whole show. Hearing the music played by them ... I can't describe it. It was the way it was supposed to sound. The magic was back. The best part was seeing them both so blatantly happy - joy was written all over their faces, and was definitely the theme of the night. Arion kept looking over at me and smiling, and John Stephens had great energy. What a night.
Jon, myself and a few others hung out after the show and met the producer and a lot of the staff, and the guys came out and chilled with us for a bit. They signed Jon & I's setlists, and made a few jokes ... all in all I had a once in a lifetime experience that I will never forget.
Needless to say, I got no sleep that night. My heart was pounding with adrenaline and sheer joy - and I had a six am flight the next day. Coming back to NH, I was sad that it was all over, but Kevin kept putting things up about me on his Facebook & Twitter and Arion talked about me on his Chorus post about the show ... it was like someone upstairs wanted me to know that yes, it really did happen, and I should be happy for the holidays this year. The whole thing was a Christmas miracle, I'm convinced.
Now I'm sitting here, on New Years Eve, watching Pearl Jam 20, making a wish at 11:11, and hoping that 2012 will shatter the records this year made.
Blessings to all of you, and Happy New Year. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for being a part of my 2011, and I hope you continue to stick around til the end of the world. ;-)
Cheers!! Now, where's the bubbly ...
Thursday, November 10, 2011
The Darkness
I am the darkness.
I am a sea of lost emotion
drowning all that follow.
At the candle's last flicker,
I am the willow wisp of smoke
that caresses your hand.
On a rain swept night
As a chill wind blows
I am the tear that falls from a willow tree.
In the autumn air
above wood smoke plumes
I am the midnight star, flickering.
As a full moon rises
painting the world cool blue
I am the soft, warm breath of a heady scent.
As leaves rustle to silence
beneath the first snow's fall
I become the deepened shadow ghost.
I meet the dawn in loneliness.
I am the darkness.
I am a sea of lost emotion
drowning all that follow.
At the candle's last flicker,
I am the willow wisp of smoke
that caresses your hand.
On a rain swept night
As a chill wind blows
I am the tear that falls from a willow tree.
In the autumn air
above wood smoke plumes
I am the midnight star, flickering.
As a full moon rises
painting the world cool blue
I am the soft, warm breath of a heady scent.
As leaves rustle to silence
beneath the first snow's fall
I become the deepened shadow ghost.
I meet the dawn in loneliness.
I am the darkness.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
an owl's cry
Moonlight surrounds me
breathtaking in its beautysolemn and strong.
The warmth from my lips leaves foggy trails
betraying where I've been.
Ghosts, memories of lives long gone
once haunting, wailing, blackening the skies
are weakened, thinned through time.
All that's left are whispers.
To them, I send a smoky goodbye
on a warm breath in cold night air.
These are new nights
This, this is my new life.
I feel alive when the temperatures drop.
cold hands, warm skin beneath leather and wool
scents of wood smoke, bourbon, cologne ..
taste of apples on my lips ..
intoxicating.
brightly colored leaves tinted blue after midnight
crunch beneath footsteps in no hurry to fall.
My heart beats, with you, in this.
Everything else, just stops.
This night will last a lifetime.
I spread my arms
let out a cry
and laugh with delight.
This, this is my time.
Once again, life has shifted.
Against all odds,
I survived.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Review of the Foo Fighters, Live on 9/25/2011
I apologize that this is so long overdue. I wanted to wait until I had time to do it justice. Never really "reviewed" anything before, but I'm giving it a shot. Here goes..
I traveled to Buffalo, NY with my brother and a friend to see the Foo Fighters live at the First Niagra Center on 9/25/2011. A little band called Rise Against opened - check them out if you haven't already. I became a fan after seeing them live - quality rock music with a different sound. Truly original and talented.
Moving on to the main event...
After the opening song, Dave Grohl addressed the audience. This is a direct quote:
"We've been a band for a long fucking time, and we've got a lot of fucking songs ... you wanna hear 'em all? (crowd goes nuts) It's gonna be a loooong fucking night!"
At this point I knew the night was going to be epic.
Here's the setlist:
Bridge Burning
Rope
The Pretender
My Hero
Learn To Fly
White Limo
Arlandria
Breakout
Cold Day In The Sun
Stacked Actors
Walk
Monkey Wrench
Let It Die
These Days
Skin & Bones (With Krist Novoselic)
This Is A Call
In The Flesh (Pink Floyd cover)
All My Life
Encore:
Long Road To Ruin
Best Of You
Times Like These
Dear Rosemary
Breakdown (Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers cover)
Everlong
Yes, you read it right. That is a twenty-four song deep setlist.
I'm including a couple of videos - they were taken with my andriod so the audio isn't great, but it will give you the idea. I have better ones coming from a video camera, I'll post them when I have them edited.
Bridge Burning was an awesome start - crazy guitar, drums and all around energy. Dave puts all other lead singers to shame with his stage presence.
Rope, amazing ... "Choke! on a kiss, I thought I'd save my breath for you ...... gimme some rope, I'm coming loose, I'm pulling for you now / Gimme some rope I'm coming out of my head, into the clear / when you, go, I come loose ... " I stand by my statement that "Wasting Light" is the best album they've done to date.
The Pretender - I get chills every time I hear that song, and it did not disappoint live. Ever heard 20,000 people screaming like the world was about to end? Go to a Foo show. It will blow your mind. "I'm the face you have to face, mirrored in your stare..."
Tyler was already shirtless and sweating bullets at this point, three songs in. Dave poked fun at him during a short break when he grabbed a towel and buried his face in it. "You need a tissue? It's gonna be alright, Tyler. Let it out." If you don't already know, these guys have an incredible sense of humor. They are the total package. Non-stop entertainment.
My Hero - goes without saying. One of the best songs in Rock & Roll.
Learn To Fly was excellent, one of the more "calm" songs they performed. "We'll live happily ever trapped if you just save my life ... run and tell the angels that everything's alright ..."
White Limo was incredible, goes almost without saying. Only thing missing was Lemmy on stage. "Now if you don't care / Take a ride somewhere .."
Arlandria. This song deserves special mention. In my opinion, this was one of the highlights of the performance. "Come on hear me out ... " The guitar starting here, heard live, was a religious experience. I think I saw Jesus when Dave hit the notes that start at 1:21 on the record version. Brilliant. Chills, excitement, awe, wonder, you name it, I felt it during this song. "Use me up, spit me out / Lemme be your hand-me-down ..." this performance alone cemented the group into my top three favorite bands forever.
At this point of the show they went old school with Breakout ... the crowd enjoyed it. Cold Day In The Sun was great to hear live, more of a classic rock/ country feel. If you haven't heard it, it's available on "Skin & Bones" - the acoustic live album. "I think it's time you walked this lonely road all on your own / it's your cold day in the sun.."
Stacked Actors was expected, and extended, as usual. Still an excellent live song, and I suspect it always will be. "you're just another aging drag queen ... " amazing.
Walk. I know I am repeating myself, but this new music is incredible. I can't say it enough. It's even better live, if that's possible.
Dave and Chris Shiflett had a guitar solo competition at this point .... crazy good.
Here's some of it:
Monkey Wrench, Let It Die, These Days ... all incredible. The entire stadium shook with our voices screaming "ONE OF THESE DAYS, I bet your heart will be broken, I bet your pride will be stolen, I bet I bet I BET I BET ..."
Krist Novoselic - the original bassist for Nirvana - made an appearance on Skin & Bones. He was well received. If you don't know already, this show took place on the 20th anniversary of the release of Nirvana's "Nevermind." Dave only made one comment about it: "This is a very special show tonight, but you don't need to worry about why..." Krist also recorded the bass on "I Should Have Known" on Wasting Light. If nothing before this has convinced you to buy this album, that in itself should.
This Is A Call ... another classic.
Their cover of Pink Floyd's "In The Flesh" was incredible. They played it a few days later on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon, with Roger Waters himself. Check out the video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tout_z3Yrs
All My Life is a perfect end to a set. Fortunately for us, we had another 35 minutes of encore to go ...
During the break, lights were down, and up on the big screen came up a video of Dave and Tyler on a night vision camera...
They were playing games with the crowd, and Dave was putting up fingers ... one, two, three .. the higher the numbers, the louder the stadium got. He made a guesture as if to say "fuck it" and walked off camera - everyone booed. He promptly flipped us off. LOL ... then he put up six fingers, and you could feel the ground vibrating from the screaming and pounding of the crowd.
Lights came up and Dave was here ... right in front of me.
Long Road to Ruin ... crazy. "Runnin though hell, heaven can wait.." There was a couple up in the nosebleed cheap seats, each wearing a white t-shirt with a big "F" in the Foo Fighters font on it. Could see them dancing together from where I was. Awesome moment.
Dave continued solo acoustic through Best of You and half of Times Like These. Right about at "I'm a new day risin .." the entire band joined in.
Dear Rosemary ... another religious experience.
Breakdown cover was flawless.
Everlong was a fitting conclusion to three hours of live performance.
How many bands have you seen play a six song encore?
This concert was hands down the best show I have ever been to, and I have seen hundreds of bands live. This show sold out, with good reason. The Foo Fighters deliver.
If they're coming to your town, buy a ticket. It will be the best $40 you ever spend.
http://www.foofighters.com/us/tour
Cheers everyone. Much love.
I traveled to Buffalo, NY with my brother and a friend to see the Foo Fighters live at the First Niagra Center on 9/25/2011. A little band called Rise Against opened - check them out if you haven't already. I became a fan after seeing them live - quality rock music with a different sound. Truly original and talented.
Moving on to the main event...
After the opening song, Dave Grohl addressed the audience. This is a direct quote:
"We've been a band for a long fucking time, and we've got a lot of fucking songs ... you wanna hear 'em all? (crowd goes nuts) It's gonna be a loooong fucking night!"
At this point I knew the night was going to be epic.
Here's the setlist:
Bridge Burning
Rope
The Pretender
My Hero
Learn To Fly
White Limo
Arlandria
Breakout
Cold Day In The Sun
Stacked Actors
Walk
Monkey Wrench
Let It Die
These Days
Skin & Bones (With Krist Novoselic)
This Is A Call
In The Flesh (Pink Floyd cover)
All My Life
Encore:
Long Road To Ruin
Best Of You
Times Like These
Dear Rosemary
Breakdown (Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers cover)
Everlong
Yes, you read it right. That is a twenty-four song deep setlist.
I'm including a couple of videos - they were taken with my andriod so the audio isn't great, but it will give you the idea. I have better ones coming from a video camera, I'll post them when I have them edited.
Bridge Burning was an awesome start - crazy guitar, drums and all around energy. Dave puts all other lead singers to shame with his stage presence.
Rope, amazing ... "Choke! on a kiss, I thought I'd save my breath for you ...... gimme some rope, I'm coming loose, I'm pulling for you now / Gimme some rope I'm coming out of my head, into the clear / when you, go, I come loose ... " I stand by my statement that "Wasting Light" is the best album they've done to date.
The Pretender - I get chills every time I hear that song, and it did not disappoint live. Ever heard 20,000 people screaming like the world was about to end? Go to a Foo show. It will blow your mind. "I'm the face you have to face, mirrored in your stare..."
Tyler was already shirtless and sweating bullets at this point, three songs in. Dave poked fun at him during a short break when he grabbed a towel and buried his face in it. "You need a tissue? It's gonna be alright, Tyler. Let it out." If you don't already know, these guys have an incredible sense of humor. They are the total package. Non-stop entertainment.
My Hero - goes without saying. One of the best songs in Rock & Roll.
Learn To Fly was excellent, one of the more "calm" songs they performed. "We'll live happily ever trapped if you just save my life ... run and tell the angels that everything's alright ..."
White Limo was incredible, goes almost without saying. Only thing missing was Lemmy on stage. "Now if you don't care / Take a ride somewhere .."
Arlandria. This song deserves special mention. In my opinion, this was one of the highlights of the performance. "Come on hear me out ... " The guitar starting here, heard live, was a religious experience. I think I saw Jesus when Dave hit the notes that start at 1:21 on the record version. Brilliant. Chills, excitement, awe, wonder, you name it, I felt it during this song. "Use me up, spit me out / Lemme be your hand-me-down ..." this performance alone cemented the group into my top three favorite bands forever.
At this point of the show they went old school with Breakout ... the crowd enjoyed it. Cold Day In The Sun was great to hear live, more of a classic rock/ country feel. If you haven't heard it, it's available on "Skin & Bones" - the acoustic live album. "I think it's time you walked this lonely road all on your own / it's your cold day in the sun.."
Stacked Actors was expected, and extended, as usual. Still an excellent live song, and I suspect it always will be. "you're just another aging drag queen ... " amazing.
Walk. I know I am repeating myself, but this new music is incredible. I can't say it enough. It's even better live, if that's possible.
Dave and Chris Shiflett had a guitar solo competition at this point .... crazy good.
Here's some of it:
Monkey Wrench, Let It Die, These Days ... all incredible. The entire stadium shook with our voices screaming "ONE OF THESE DAYS, I bet your heart will be broken, I bet your pride will be stolen, I bet I bet I BET I BET ..."
Krist Novoselic - the original bassist for Nirvana - made an appearance on Skin & Bones. He was well received. If you don't know already, this show took place on the 20th anniversary of the release of Nirvana's "Nevermind." Dave only made one comment about it: "This is a very special show tonight, but you don't need to worry about why..." Krist also recorded the bass on "I Should Have Known" on Wasting Light. If nothing before this has convinced you to buy this album, that in itself should.
This Is A Call ... another classic.
Their cover of Pink Floyd's "In The Flesh" was incredible. They played it a few days later on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon, with Roger Waters himself. Check out the video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tout_z3Yrs
All My Life is a perfect end to a set. Fortunately for us, we had another 35 minutes of encore to go ...
During the break, lights were down, and up on the big screen came up a video of Dave and Tyler on a night vision camera...
They were playing games with the crowd, and Dave was putting up fingers ... one, two, three .. the higher the numbers, the louder the stadium got. He made a guesture as if to say "fuck it" and walked off camera - everyone booed. He promptly flipped us off. LOL ... then he put up six fingers, and you could feel the ground vibrating from the screaming and pounding of the crowd.
Lights came up and Dave was here ... right in front of me.
I like to think he was looking right at me in this one ... it certainly felt that way :-)
Long Road to Ruin ... crazy. "Runnin though hell, heaven can wait.." There was a couple up in the nosebleed cheap seats, each wearing a white t-shirt with a big "F" in the Foo Fighters font on it. Could see them dancing together from where I was. Awesome moment.
Dave continued solo acoustic through Best of You and half of Times Like These. Right about at "I'm a new day risin .." the entire band joined in.
Dear Rosemary ... another religious experience.
Breakdown cover was flawless.
Everlong was a fitting conclusion to three hours of live performance.
How many bands have you seen play a six song encore?
This concert was hands down the best show I have ever been to, and I have seen hundreds of bands live. This show sold out, with good reason. The Foo Fighters deliver.
If they're coming to your town, buy a ticket. It will be the best $40 you ever spend.
http://www.foofighters.com/us/tour
Cheers everyone. Much love.
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