It's funny how everything you think you know about yourself and your life can change in 24 hours.
Last night, I was invited to a poker game for my friend's birthday. I went, of course, and I had a good time; I spent the night with a group of people I haven't really hung out with in over a year, maybe longer. I worked alongside them for the better part of a decade, some longer, some less. They continued their careers after I made the difficult decision to leave that path and take a new one. Schedules no longer synced, we didn't have as much in common to talk about anymore, and whatever other things came into play, we fell out of touch. This has happened before, and we've always picked up right where we left off, everyone knowing that sometimes life just gets in the way. I was hopeful and excited for this to happen once more, however, this time something had changed.
All night we laughed and joked, but there was an emptiness to it. I didn't feel the familiar tug at my heartstrings like I always have; one man that I love with all of my heart seemed surprised at the old familiar connections we share, as if he had forgotten how close we've always been and what got us there in the first place. I realized what was going on when I had my iPod on shuffle for the room and he said to me "you know, we listen to the same music." I looked at him for a beat or two, puzzled, then nodded silently, and I saw pain in his eyes. That was when my heart broke a little, realizing somehow we'd left each other behind. As I went home that night, the realization came over me that I had already let go of the past, and now it was time to move on.
I carried that profound melancholy all day today. Then, after work, I got a phone call from another friend whom I haven't seen in a while. He decided to surprise me and drive up to where I work to visit and see how I was doing; only problem was, he couldn't remember where that was exactly, because I'd changed jobs in the last year. By the time he called, he'd already driven to two different bars looking for me, and finally decided it was time to give up the charade and get directions. I couldn't believe how sweet (and kind of funny) that was. Once he knew where I was, he came to the bar with me and a couple of my new friends from work. We had a few beers, talked about life, laughed and had a good time. It was like he knew somehow that I really needed a friend today.
After he left, one of the girls and I were talking about how awesome it was that he did what he did today just to surprise me, and how it was a complete contrast to what happened with my other old friends last night. Near the end of the discussion, she said, "you've moved on from that phase in your life, and that's okay. Someday they may move on too, and then you'll reconnect when the time is right." It sounds silly, but her understanding and saying that to me, combined with his surprise visit, made everything okay again.
Once more, good people have renewed my faith in love and life without knowing I needed it.
What a difference a day can make.
