little white lie

I fell asleep this afternoon and awoke to a beautiful sunset. It's times like these, I think of you.

Do you remember the days when we sat on the front porch, squeezed together facing one another on the loveseat with our knees entangled? Neither of us wanted more space than that between us.

A bare candle flickered on the corner table near our neglected chairs, and we talked about everything and nothing at all. As the sun set, the shadows lengthened, dramatic and infinite. When your eyes found mine, I knew without words that you wished these days would never end.

I'd wiggle my sleepy bare toes under my skirt and you would shift slightly with me, sensitive to my comfort. So close we could almost feel each other's heartbeat ... every movement we shared seemed heavy with meaning and promise ... like when I rested my palm on your knee to steady myself as I shifted just a little. I said I was moving because my leg was asleep, but really I wanted to get just a little bit closer, maybe catch your scent in the air. I hope you didn't mind my little white lie.

Once I settled, you leaned forward, channeling James Dean with your elbows atop your knees and a look on your face that promised beautiful trouble. You asked if you could tell me a secret, trying hard not to smile.  "Of course you can," I replied, barely contained excitement building. As I leaned in and turned my left ear slightly toward you, you lifted your right hand and I closed my eyes, hoping for your touch. My skin tingled as you brushed a stray curl back over my shoulder; my pulse raced as I felt your warm breath on my cheek. I wrapped my bare arms around your folded leg and rested my chin on your knee. Your shirt smelled of pine cones and cedar smoke, your skin like an ocean sunrise ... as I sit here now, I'm still intoxicated, waiting with bated breath for you to speak, as I was so long ago.

You rested your forehead on my temple, absently played with my bracelets, and whispered softly to me for what felt like hours. I smiled and laughed just a little, turned and made eye contact as our noses touched ... "Is that all?" I asked, and the fire in your eyes matched mine. Finally you smiled, lifting my spirits to the heavens, and we laughed together into the darkness.

When the sun spills through the porch windows  and the wind is blowing just right, I can hear the echoes of our blessed innocence careening through the trees. How I wish with all my heart that you were still here.